Mar 222010
 

I get asked about multiple orgasms pretty regularly. There are a couple different experiences people label “multiple.”

(1) You have an orgasm, you don’t stop having sex, and you have another orgasm maybe 10 minutes later;

(2) You have an orgasm and then immediately have another and immediately have another.

The second seems to require some innate pre-disposition to responsiveness in order to have it reliably. The first, though, is accessible to many women.

What is orgasm, after all? It’s the explosive release of sexual tension, when that tension crosses a certain threshold. If the orgasm fails to dissipate a bunch of that tension, then another orgasm can happen again soon, if you continue to add more stimulation/tension.

(This isn’t really true for men. When men ejaculate, their body shuts down sexually – it’s called refraction – and they truly can’t get aroused. It’s most of why a guy falls asleep after sex. If a guy can control his ejaculation, he could orgasm again, but that’s a pretty demanding skill.)

So ladies, to have multiples, you need two things:

First, you need a whole lot of sexual tension, which can only be built up over extended time.

The reason for the massive sexual tension is that there has to be some left over after the orgasm. Sexual tension accumulates over time – so have a couple hours’ worth of sexy date, where your partner is physically affectionate, looks at your with loving, desirous eyes, and says things that make you feel good about your body, your partner’s body, and sex in general.

If your partner has any verbal aptitude at all, a reasonable starting place might be sitting in a romantic restaurant over a bottle of wine, quietly enumerating the kinds of things they intend to do to make you come that evening. The first orgasm could be manual, in the car, right after you leave the restaurant, their hand up your dress, your partner could tell you. The second could be penetration, you slammed against the door as soon as your get home, panties nudged impatiently to one side. The third might be oral on the kitchen floor, because you were on the way to get whipped cream out of the fridge, but didn’t make it to the bedroom. The fourth… anyway, you get the idea. Telling a quiet, sexy story is a great start.

Or at a party, hand holding, tender caresses, hair touching, little kisses on the neck and temple, these things accumulate over time. And time is the crucial element here.

So then you get to the orgasm situation – you get home at last, for example, and get to bed – and when that first orgasm happens, DON’T STOP. Slow down yes, and avoid touching anything that might be over-sensitive post-orgasm (lots of women need their clits left WELL ALONE right after orgasm), but whatever can be touched lightly, should be. Inner thighs, the ribcage just below the breasts, the neck behind the earlobes, lips, cheekbones, keep the sexual excitation system engaged.

The second thing you need for multiple orgasms is: no other urgent physiological or psychological demands, like hunger, thirst, having to pee, being depressed or anxious, or being very tired.

Why? Because the massive accumulation of sexual tension shuts out any other needs, sexual release becomes the most urgent, the most pressing demand your body is experiencing. It’s first in line, if you will. Once that tension has dissipated, if there is another urgent need, it steps forward and demands attention. You have to pee, eat, sleep, worry, whatever.

The upshot of this is that if your life is stressful and you don’t get enough sleep, having multiple orgasms will be more difficult for you.

What else gets in the way of multiples?

Overstimulation can get in the way too. What I mean is, you can rub your arm so that it feels numb and irritated, and then with the passage of time the numbness goes away. Same with sexual parts. You can overstimulate the clit so that it needs a break. Fortunately we’re sexually adaptive creatures, so while the clit is recovering you can stimulate the g-spot, the anus, the breasts, or whatever other part generates sexual tension for you under sexy circumstances.

Also, orgasm is hard damn work for a lot of women. It takes concentration and effort and sometimes you’re just fuckin’ BEAT afterward. Getting the energy to have ANOTHER one might just be not worth the effort.

I’d like to end by saying that having just ONE orgasm is great! Multiple, extended, and all the other variations on orgasm are totally unnecessary to having a happy, healthy, fully functional sex life. It’s entertainment, a hobby. Like going dancing or putting together a model airplane. Enriching, sure, but necessary for your health? Nah.

Mar 222010
 

I said I’d write about the g-spot, so here it is! Hurrah. This is just an intro – it’s history, what it is, where it is.

“G” stands for Grafenberg, the gynecologist who “discovered” the spot. In 1950 he wrote an academic article about the role of the urethra in female sexual response, particularly with regard to orgasm through penetration. It was named the g-spot by researchers Beverly Whipple and John Perry, 30 years after the original article was published.

What is it? It’s your prostate… sorta. Every part that a man has, a woman has an equivalent part, a “homologue.” It’s the same stuff, just organized in a different way. The penis is the homologue of the clitoris, the scrotum is the homologue of the outer labia, and the prostate is the homologue of the urethral sponge, a spongy body of tissue that wraps around the urethra.

The prostate in men is known to have two functions: it swells up around the man’s urethra when he’s aroused, thus preventing him from urinating while he’s turned on. It also produces seminal fluid, the whitish liquid in which sperm travel.

The urethral sponge, we thus assume, has the equivalent functions. It does in fact swell with arousal, closing off the urethra. (Hence you can’t pee right after orgasm.) Whether or not the urethral sponge also produces some kind of fluid is less certain. There are some who suggest that this is the source of female ejaculate, a relatively rare but normal and healthy phenomenon where a woman ejaculates a large amount of fluid that is definitely not urine but also definitely not vaginal secretions. It looks for all the world like it’s coming from the urethra, but it’s not coming from the bladder.

But that’s another post.

The urethral sponge is sandwiched between the urethra and the vagina. It’s easiest to find when you’re already aroused. Because the tissue swells with arousal, the g-spot becomes more sensitive and more pronounced with arousal.

So get yourself warmed up with whatever clitorial or other non-penetrative stimulation gets you warm and wet. Then insert a finger about two joints, and feel along the anterior (front – the side closer to your belly button) wall of the vagina. You’ll feel either a little nubby or an area where the texture is different from where it is everywhere else.

The vagina does not go straight up and down. For most women, it is angled toward the abdomen. Pay attention to that angle as you’re feeling for the g-spot. It will be a crucial factor in generating effective stimulation later.

If you put pressure there, you might feel like you have to pee. That’s because you’re essentially pressing against the urethra, and your brain is interpreting that sensation as a need to pee. If you pee beforehand, you can relax knowing that your bladder is empty. Also, remember the g-spot swells up with arousal, making it impossible to pee even when you want to.

It might also be that pressure against the g-spot just hurts. If that’s true for you, there are a couple things that might be causing the pain:

The first is the g-spot itself. You might be one of the women not wired for pleasurable g-spot stimulation. Don’t worry, there are plenty of other ways for you to have an orgasm.

It might also be that the pain is related not the to g-spot but to penetration itself. Were you sufficiently lubricated that your finger slid easily into your vagina? Friction burns and can cause irritation.

Or you might not have long fingernails poking into your vaginal wall – cut your nails down below your fingertip and file it smooth. Very important.

A last source of pain might be inflammation or infection of the vagina. Yeast infections, STIs, and other imbalances of the vaginal fauna can cause burning, itching, and irritation. If your ladyship is not in tip-top condition, this will interfere with your enjoyment of your sexuality. If you’re not sure about your health status, get ye to a gyno.

Hope that’s helpful. I’ll write about what to do now you’ve found it, later. Next weekish.