Again, by request: anal intercourse.
Let me say first that penetration is a separate thing from external anal play. The anal sphincter is exquisitely sensitive and enjoys very light touch with well-lubricated fingers or a soft, caressing tongue.
Both external and penetrative anal stimulation are additional sensations that can make powerful accompaniments to clitoral/penile or vaginal stimulation. Layers of stimulation, like whole body, plus clitoral, plus vaginal, plus anal, piled up gradually as a person gets more and more aroused makes for a highly intense experience that will make your toes curl and your eyes roll up in your head. Try it some time!
If you’re interested in trying out penetration, there are three rules to success: relaxation, lubrication, and communication.
The anus is composed of two sphincters of muscle. The outer sphincter can be under conscious control, and the inner one can not. The inner sphincter will clench (“wink”) when you feel stressed or anxious or surprised or threatened in any way, and it will take the outer muscle with it. This is why relaxation is so important. In order to ensure relaxation, there are two things it’s important to do:
1. The person being penetrated should be the one in control. You can press your hips against your partner’s finger (with its extremely short, clean, and well-groomed fingernails!) at your own pace.
2. The penetrator has to work with the “wink” of the anus. As a part of the arousal process, as well as when you feel surprised, your anus will clench and unclench. It is crucial that your partner not try to move while you’re clenched – you’ll just pull against the sphincter and cause pain. Stay aware of the tension levels in the muscle and work with it, never against it.
The potential for pain with penetration comes from at least two sources. The first is when the anus clenches and the penetrator moves out of synch with it. The second is friction from inadequate lubrication. Unlike the vagina, the anus produces very little of its own lubrication so it is absolutely necessary to use lube.
I love silicone lube because it lasts for a long time, it stays where you put it, it doesn’t evaporate like water based lube, and it’s latex compatible, unlike oil based lubes. The ultimate in silicone lubes for anal is Eros Power Cream – it has a thick, almost Vaseline-like consistency and last for an eternity.
As vigilant as you are about the winking, it still takes explicit communication in order to make sure you’re both comfortable with what’s happening. This is challenging for a lot of people when they’re communicating about fairly straightforward, common sexual practices like vaginal penetration or even foreplay. But communicating during sex about anal penetration? Oy. You might be best off using a sort of shorthand. “More? Less? Deeper? Faster? Slower? Like that? There?” your partner asks. “Yes. No. Slower. Deeper. Less. Like that. Wait. Stop. Lower. More,” you say. This is not the time or place for grammatical sentences.
Whenever you want to stop, say so. Your partner should wait until you’re relaxed, and slowly and gently withdraw. Once you have some practice, anal stimulation with other stimulation can add some serious intensity. Some women find out they love anal penetration, and other women are never interested. It’s okay either way, whatever makes you happy.