Apr 282010

Women want…

… well, some of them want you to leave their clitorises WELL ALONE.

Have I mentioned lately that WOMEN VARY? One of the ways that women vary is in the directness of clitoral stimulation that they enjoy/can tolerate.

Some women are enthusiastically pro-diddle – they are strongly in favor of you planting a fingertip lightly but firmly just south of the glans clitoris and bobbling it rapidly up and down. Indeed, you may feel very pleased with yourself that you’ve found that a flicky tongue along the clitoral shaft can get your gal to the heights of ecstasy – very good, congratulations – but if that relationship ends and you find yourself with a new woman, you CAN’T assume that what worked for Lady A will also work for Lady B. Lady B might HATE IT when you flick her clit. Lady B may want you to leave the clit utterly alone and run your tongue in soft circles along her left labium.

For women like Lady B, direct stimulation can be irritating or even painful. Direct stimulation like that is way, way, way too much. You can’t know until you get there (or until she tells you, which is even better) whether or not she’s a direct stimulation kind of gal.

One clit-related truth that is nearly universal (of course nothing is truly universal among the female-bodied) is that you must pre-heat the oven, as it were.

This one Monty Python got genuinely right:

“What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate; give her a kiss, boy!” Then: suck the nipple, stroke the thigh, nibble the earlobe, knead the buttocks, “and so on and so forth. So we have all these possibilities before we STAMPEDE towards the clitoris, Watson.”

All in aid of getting the “vaginal juices flowing.” (Except of course we all know by now that just because a woman is well aroused doesn’t mean she’s necessarily well lubricated; and vice versa.)

A decent rule of thumb is to begin peripherally, delicately, and slowly, and gradually work your way closer to the clitoris, with increasing intensity and speed. Just HOW close, intense, and fast will depend on the woman, and will vary greatly from woman to woman. You have to play close attention to her arousal level and get all the feedback she’s interested in giving you.

(This is a classic men-women difference. With guys – again it’s not universally true, but it’s a decent rule of thumb – you can accost him after a shower and just put his whole, soft cock in your mouth if you like; you’ll catch him off guard, but the penis doesn’t need the warm-up act in the way the clit does.)

Context, context, context. Create a sexy context first, then commune with the clitoris.