Okay everybody, I can’t sleep and I have an idea for a silly but entertaining project.
Post your answer to the following question in the comments, along with your gender and, if you like, your age.
Feel free to be anonymous on this, but decide on your answer BEFORE you look at anyone else’s answers. (I’m not providing any multiple choice options because I don’t want to anchor your responses, and seeing what other people have said would defeat that.)
The question is:
Imagine that you can wave a magic wand and have your ideal sex life. How often would you have sex? (Use whatever definition of sex works for you.)
Every day.
Female.
52.
4 or 5 times a week
sex that led to orgasm? maybe once or twice a week.
cuddling and being physical? whenever possible.
20, female
Once per day.
If I’m particularly busy with my life outside my relationship (school/career/whatever), less.
Oh right… female, 19.
every other day.
female.
19.
4 or 5 times a week. Male, 28.
Daily.
Female, 24, and again, daily. That would be my ideal, although I don’t think my body could keep that up without rest periods (I sure tried though).
Genderqueer (female bodied), 18.
It’s complicated, but if it was a certain partner, at least three times a week.
Well, in my ideal sex life, I’d have the sex drive of a man – ready to go at a moment’s notice with no mental, emotional, or physical blocks, and frequently eager enough to initiate. If that were the case, I’d want to have sex as often as I could, without risking injury and without interfering with anyone’s “real” life.
F/29 (Ha, I almost just typed “26.” It’s getting harder and harder to remember in my old age.)
Hmmm, after reading other people’s responses, I guess I should clarify what “as often as possible means.” With the right drive (yeah Emily, I read the “sex drive” blog, but I’m gonna use the term anyway), time permitting, I’d want to have sex at least daily, but probably several times daily on most days.
Of course given the substantial bulk of my baggage and my (not always, but usually) lamer than lame sex drive, I can go for over a month without particularly missing it.
IDEAL? A couple of times a day.
female
seven times a week
But I’d rather it were sometimes twice or three times, and some days once, and some days none. I don’t like the routine of daily sex
4-5 times a week
Lady, 23
F/30/Every other day
At least daily!! Makes me a happier camper if i get some on the regular…
33, Female
i am glad, however, that you classified this as ‘not science’, because i’m sure your loyal readers are quite the self-selected, sex-positive subset of the general population.
3-5 times per week. Even in a perfect world without job or relationship related stress I think having it every day wouldn’t give me enough rebound time. Anything less than 3 is acceptable in real life but I wouldn’t call it “ideal”.
F/24
Probably about three times a day on average, and in multiple locations. That’s how it was at the beginning of my current relationship. I was chafed but it was AWESOME.
I’m going to answer this as if I was in a satisfying (not necessarily monogamous) relationship, because the amount of sex you have varies when you’re single, and at the beginning a of a relationship. So, if I’m in a satisfying relationship…
3-4 times per week.
My gender is female (though I call myself a femme with transmale tendencies; but female works for most purposes), and my age is 25.
That doesn’t seem like much of a question
but considering certain factors:
Sex committed healthy relationship: Daily 3-5x
oh yeah: Male35
Also to clarify, this is the ideal; time limits & baggage eradicated by Emily’s suggestive magic.
And my thought for sex range: contact with intent for partner climax.
Peace.
Between every day and every other day.
Lady-identified female.
21.
Once a day, female, 29.
Ideally, at least two rounds of sex in a night, every other night. If time to sleep over, then in the morning too. Unfortunately, the ideal is still based on reality of schedules and work commitments. Female, 27.
twice a week. 39, female.
I would have sex five times a fortnight – four more or less standard, release of tension stuff and once more experimental over the top needing planning + babysitters hotness.
Female, 28
4-5 x per week.
Female, 51
and that is certainly better than the current frequency of, um, zero….
5-7 times a week
female
23
At least every other day; I sleep better, feel better and have a great deal more self-confidence the more often I have it.
(Oh, and I’m counting more than just PiV here)
Female – 23
Daily. Female. 27.
every 3-5 days.
male
35
2-4 x per week
My off-the-top answer is a couple times a week (3 would probably do nicely).
But then it’s about energy and communication, so it’s not really quantitative, it’s qualitative, but still, I’d like enough frequency, of a groovy enough intensity, to sort of keep my life juicy, the needs of which change with age and so forth….
Anyway, 3.
3-4 times per week.
female, 24.
4-6 times/week
25
cis-woman
Male, 57. Twice per week.
Every so often.
Female, 19
1-2x every other day
Female
29
32, female. Probably 2-3 times a day.
Daily. And with certain special partners, multiple times through the day.
(The latter happens from time to time; the former, not.)
Male, 54.
7-9 times per week.
Male, 72. Every day, but I say that knowing that I need solitary days too, and evenings just for reading books snuggled up together and snuggle mornings that are for sleeping in spoons till you just *have* to get up for a sunny breakfast. Lots of ‘ordinary’ sex days, occasional surprises and quickies, and at least once a month a big, juicy adventure.
“Here, Here!” nicely worded & an adoring ideal. I was starting to feel like a freak for my answer of 3-5/day as an ideal, but your answer better sums up my sentiment. I’d also mix it all together as often as possible
Thanks again for your comment.
3-5 times/week would be about right…
Oops…forgot to leave my gender/age.
3-5 times/week
Once or twice a day.
3 or 4 times a week, probably. Although, since this is my ideal, I’d also be able to just fool around/make out with my partner without it having to turn into sex.
Age: 20. Gender: Female
Oh: male, 37.
Daily; maybe twice daily.
Male
59
F/24
Once a day. And honestly, if I could fit it into my schedule, there would probably be quite a few 2x days.
Male, 35
Five times a week. Random distribution, some quickies, some planned out scenes.
oops, 24 up there for me
Female, 20
Every day!
Every day, at least once
Female, 21
every other day, on average, so 3-4 times per week, with frequent cuddling, kissing, making out and other casual physical affection.
27
female
at least once a day
female, 27
2-3 times a week; daily cuddling/kissing/etc.
Daily, more during vacations.
30, F.
Probably about 3 times a week, if once counts of one night and the following morning.
55, F
I think it would depend on if I lived with the person or not but probably between 2-4 times a week.
Female, 22
48 year old woman – lesbian till age 41, bi since then.
ideal for me would be 5 out of 7 days a week, multiple partners, sometimes all together!
So, now I’ve read the other posts; I was counting ‘once’ as at least two rounds of sex in a night, then in the morning too. Perhaps every one else is counting that as 3-4 x 3.
I was getting a little worried about the ages of other respondents, but I see there are a few of us older types.
I shall attempt to live to Bill’s wonderful description of “Lots of ‘ordinary’ sex days, occasional surprises and quickies, and at least once a month a big, juicy adventure”.
3 times a week.
Male, 48.
Female, 20: Zero-three times during the work week, then marathon sex fests on the weekend!
4-5 per week (but counting mornings separate from evenings, which some folks are and some aren’t)
Male, 45
an average of every day or every 2 days: some weeks it’d be more than once a day for a few days, some weeks it’d skip a few, etc.
female, 41
14 times / week
genderqueer, female-bodied, 22
Probably two or three times a week
female, 50
5-9 times a week, but not daily. male, 21.
2-3 times a week.
(male, 33)
once/day. (53 yo woman)
Male, 44
3-4 times a week, sometimes more
Every other day.
I’m a dude, if that matters.
Oh, and gay and 21.
Once a week or so.
Whoops, I’m female, 23.
Male, 34. Twice or three times a week. Probably.
3-4 days out of the week. Some days would be multiple times, some days just once is enough. Since we’re talking *ideal* sex life, with multiple partners.
Female, queer, age 33
Male, 25
Once every other month
Every day. Some days a few times.
But if I’m not in a relationship, especially not in love, at the time that goes down to about once a week.
Female. Bisexual. 23.
Straight girl, 24
Ideal would be 8-9 times per week, with at least two days of no sex at all
3-4x per week.
Female, 32
5-7 times a week distributed depending on mood- in ideal sex life where could get turned on easily w/satisfying partner who could make me come every time w/no distractions of work, early call, roommates etc.
Female 21
At least once a day, but if we’re talking about awesome sex (which it isn’t always), two or three times a day!
Though maybe I’d need some physical alone-time after a while.
Female, 24
At least once a day.
Female.
34.
At least once a day, almost every day. More most days.
Male 23
Once or twice a day
Female, 22
Every day, sometimes (let’s say 1-3x) more than once, sometimes with multiple partners.
I’m 27 and a woman.
Whenever my guy wants it (barring soreness as in the beginning, it was totally like that). I’m a pleaser. *shrug* I’m guessing it’d be about twice a day?
Female. 22.
Every other day during the week, but twice a day on the weekends.
Woman.
19.
Genderqueer, female bodied, 19
Ideally, 4-7 times a day would be fantastic
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Honestly, I’ve had a lot of hang ups with my body lately, and my self-esteem plummeting has made the thought of sex totally unappealing…which sucks.
Ideally it would be 4 or 5 times a week, but that would require my body issues to diminish and me not hate being naked in front of my boyfriend
Cis-Female, 23
4-5 times per week, with the ideal person, having my ideal sex. (F/30)
I’d say every other day on average, perhaps multiple times a day when I’m ovulating (I tend to be extra frisky around then).
Female, 17.
2-3 times a week, provided my partner was a perfect match regarding preferences and temperament, and both our libidos were sufficiently high. (M/46)
Daily. Maybe 3-4 times a day if I didn’t have other things to accomplish.
F/34
Every day, preferably more than once. (F/19)
daily. at least.
female, 32
F
21
every day
Every day, 1 – 3 times. Female. 20.
Right now I’m with someone who makes it feel different every time–with that kind of variety, I’d want it twice a day. Once in the morning (because in an ideal world, “leaving for work” doesn’t exist, and once in the afternoon or at night. Female, 25.
7-12 times a week
at least once a day
female – 23
Twice in a day, every 2-3 days.
female/40
Twice a week would be perfect. It would also be a lot more sex than I’m having now. I’m a partnered dyke, 36. We have a toddler and conflicting work/school schedules, and often sleep or just time to myself sounds as good as–or better than– partnered sex.
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I’ve read your summaries in other posts but haven’t read any responses here.
Male, age 55
On average (heh) I’ve consistently had sex with myself twice a day since I was a teenager. In the last 5-7 years it’s dropped to around once a day.
Like a lot of men (who are socialized to feel emotionally validated by sex) I’ve always imagined I’d like to have sex with someone… possibly someone new… at least once every day but in practice even in those rare instances where I’ve been in multiple relationships at once it’s been most ideal it’s been 3-5 times a week.
figleaf
p.s. The more people I talk to the more important it is to account for the age of respondents.