This is a less sciencey, more airy fairypost. My sister would call it “fruity.” Touchy feely. Because I had a rough night.
See, I like the sticky – I mean, the sticky aspects of being human and having sex. It’s a thing for me; part of being sex positive is being comfortable with the organic parts of sex. As part of a lovingkindness meditation, though, I tried imagining the experience of a person who genuinely believed her body’s fluids were disgusting and that it was RIGHT to find her fluids disgusting.
I had to cut the meditation short and switch to a body-positive meditation because I felt like I was poisoning myself, so powerful was the sensation of rejecting my own organism; and still the feeling of self-hatred clung to me all night, like a lingering cold or a well-aimed kick.
How wrenching it must be to live inside a body whose functioning causes disgust, how raw, how crippling. During my meditation, I literally gasped for air, flooded and drowning in the need to love ALL OF YOU out there, as if I could heal with love and acceptance all of you who reject your own organism, or who have been rejected for your organism. I love you, my heart chants to the universe, I love you all, you’re safe, you’re well, you’re loved, you’re home, home because you’re in your body.
If I love you, there’s room in my heart for the inevitable byproducts – sticky, wet, aromatic – of being alive. While your pulse beats, your body battles infection and digests nutrients and absorbs water and cools and heats itself; while you live, in other words, you produce fluids, and those fluids have taste and smell and texture and temperature. And while your pulse beats and I love you, I love the blood and mucus and myoglobin and sweat and acids that thrum with salts and electricity to keep you here on the earth with me.
Love is messy, friends. I hope, I hope, I desperately hope that you are loved.
I want the world to be learned, impartial, and very relaxed about fluids. I want my ER nurse to be utterly cool if I come in with a nearly-severed finger. I want my ob-gyn to take it in her stride when she’s dealing with blood, baby, placenta, and vagina. I want my partner to say yes to sex when I’m menstruating. I want YOUR partner to say yes to sex when either of you is menstruating. I want love to include, to embrace, to relish the bodies of lovers.
My sister said, “You should quote ‘The Body Electric.’” Yeah I should!
Be not ashamed women, your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest,
You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.
[...]
If any thing is sacred the human body is sacred,
And the glory and sweet of a man is the token of manhood untainted,
And in man or woman a clean, strong, firm-fibred body, is more
beautiful than the most beautiful face.
The sag. The jiggle. The ooze. The wet spot. I had a rough night last night, see. That happens when I’m confronted with the punishing scale of the things I’m trying to change out there.
I think bodies are gifts, and I want you to believe it too. I like the sticky.
No. No. I LOVE the sticky.
God bless you Emily, or little old me blesses you if you don’t do God.
I struggle with some queaziness in myself. Certainly not rejection, but some barrier to fully embracing the essence of me and my loved one’s body. I know very well that the loss is all mine, and must and can be overcome.
Can I return the compliment and put up more billboards proclaiming this message?
After your rough night, I wish you the smoothest of days.
Amen!
Excellent. I wholeheartedly agree. I’m fine with the sticky fluids, what I don’t like is the sensation of being sticky — especially having sticky hands — and yes, it is the sensation rather than the fluids themselves. And I’m not terribly good with my own blood — but then I’m a pathetic male.
I want YOUR partner to say yes to sex when either of you is menstruating.
Hmmmm … interesting give-away?
this is a sexy blog.
I was a soldier. In basic training, they issued us a bunch of brown towels. The only use they had at home–even after I left the Army–was “that time of the month” with the ex-wife.
After a fashion, they became an indirect request for sex from either partner when they showed up in the bedroom…
Mostly, it was because she would stress about staining sheets or the nice, fluffy towels we usually used for everything else. The old Army towels never showed the stains and she didn’t worry about them. Would totally suggest something similar for anyone with an issue like that, maybe a nice fluffy brown beach towel so you don’t have to worry about moving off it while you’re… er… distracted.
Besides, makes clean up and communication a lot easier!
Excellent!
When I was in high school and college I worked at a country club, and one of my coworkers told us that she used used “The Towel” as the way to invite her husband to have sex. I loved how she turned what could have been just a utilitarian strategy for dealing with “the wet spot” into a romantic in-joke.
I’m sure Douglas Adams never considered this when he mentioned that the towel is the most useful thing in the universe.
I’m sure Douglas Adams never considered this when he mentioned that the towel is the most useful thing in the universe.
I bet he did!
Must admit we’ve never worried about the need for towels or the like. Whatever happens, happens; it’s all part of life. Tho’ I guess I can see why it would freak some people.
She really hated stains on clothing and such. If there wasn’t staining involved–i.e. in the shower or such–it wasn’t an issue. After the first few times of having sex during her period, she lost 99% of the “freaking out factor” but not the stain anxiety.
So, stain worries –> increased anxiety –> not enjoying sex as much –> avoiding sex when menstruating. The Army towels took care of the anxiety and made for one less reason to say “no”.
Now that I think about it, I think me going into sex while she was bleeding with little/no reservation also probably had an effect. Took her anxieties about how I might react away as well…
You’re wonderful!
I don’t mind the sticky, it’s what’s in my head that I can’t quite overcome.
I love your writing, I love you, I wish more women felt the same way about their bodies – what is natural is beautiful and I LOVE THE STICKY TOO! Genuinely, can’t really understand how the body, or two bodies, or more, would function without the sticky – love it, love it, love it.
I don’t mind the sticky, but sex during my time of the month is just plain uncomfortable for me. It doesn’t have much at all to do with the blood.
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Loved, and reposted for my friends to see.
Thanks, Emily, for doing your wonderful best.
I’m going to go get sticky right now….
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