I was in the process of writing a post about the Northwestern University sex class controversy (Google it if you haven’t heard) when something real happened to knock that issue into its proper perspective. I can’t tell you what the thing was because it’s not my story to tell. But. Suffice it to say that today I want to say this:
Anyone who tells you that your body is anything other than the beautiful, glorious MIRACLE that it is is, as they say in “Princess Bride,” probably selling something.
No one asked your permission to put toxic thoughts about your body in your head. No one waited until you could give informed consent and then said, “I’d like to tell you what’s wrong with your body; would that be okay with you?” No one said, “Would it be all right if I say how broken and ugly and inadequate you are?” No one stopped to find out if it was okay before they told you all the made-up, fictional reasons you should feel bad about yourself. They just knew they could make a profit if you hated yourself.
No one asked your permission to put those thoughts and beliefs in your head, but there they are. And each of us has the job of finding the beliefs we’re not interested in carrying with us anymore, uprooting them, and finding something new and healthier to take their place. This process is neither easy nor painless. But it is a path to the confidence and joy I advocate everyone bring to bed with them every night.
Negative body image is among the most common causes of sexual dysfunction. But more than that, it’s manufactured misery that generates profits for corporations at the expense of women’s power in the world. It cripples us and keeps us in chains.
I’ll write about the Northwestern thing later. In the meantime, I’m paying attention to the moment by moment beat of a heart, the rise and fall of lungs, the regular oscillation of hormones, the unparalleled complexity and power of a human brain.
I’m not doing this justice, I can tell I’m not. But I desperately want you all to live in the center of your own power. It’s not easy – it’s not even simple. And you can get by without ever managing it, as most people do in this culture which is so inherently toxic.
I can’t change the culture from where I’m sitting, but I absolutely promise I’ll do my bit. I’ll write a book at last. I’ll go places and speak. Maybe some of ya’ll could do some stuff too.
I love this blog, and I think this is one of your best Emily. Essential reading. Thank you.
What britishreg said <3<3<3
Emily, you’re dead wrong about just one thing: when you say, “I’m not doing this justice.”
This is the very first of your posts I’m not going to trust to your blog for preservation. I’m copying it out as a permanent resource, and I suspect I’ll be sending it out to friends, and kids, and lovers, and unsuspecting strangers for many years.
Get crackin’ on that book, lady. Bless ya.
Yes. Be you, revel in it, no one else can do it.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and I had to delurk to say:
This.
“Maybe some of ya’ll could do some stuff too.”
operationbeautiful.com
I hope whatever specific incident sparked this post turns out okay.
I agree, except that this isn’t just about money– a lot of people (think emotional abuse inside and outside of families) will teach body self-hatred for free. Abusing people for being ugly existed long before there was pervasive advertising. I agree that advertising has made the problem much more pervasive.
Thank you, for this and for so many of your posts.
Yes! This!
And a book would be awesome, please!
And in the meantime I am forwarding the link to this to several people I know who really need to see it.
Thank you.
Heh, Bill Nobel just busted you wonderfully. What whisperings within say you weren’t doing it justice?
It’s totally ok since it sounds as though the unmentioned context includes a woman’s experience. But if I were to expand it I’d add two more things. One, that men get the same whisperings about their inadequacies in the dimension of worthiness and accomplishment. Two, that sometimes the one doing the whispering is us as when we decide, on our own, that thing in dimension X didn’t work because we must not have correctly performed or avoided something in dimension Y.
figleaf
p.s. for some reason this post is really resonating with this one from Holly: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2011/03/face-beyond-beauty.html and this one from Ozymandias: http://ozymandias3.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-am-bad-person.html. This is probably because they’re all about the disconnect between truth and beauty and what we believe truth and beauty are supposed to be.
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Anyone who tells you that your body is anything other than the beautiful, glorious MIRACLE that it is is, as they say in “Princess Bride,” probably selling something.
Or is trying to exert some power over you, or is projecting their own inadequacies on you.
We deplore how corporations use this kind of thing to sell us stuff. But let’s not forget that while they exploit it, they didn’t invent it. People have always discriminated against those who do not meet cultural standards of beauty. This is deeply rooted.
You’re my shero today. Beautiful post.
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