Of the 600+ posts I’ve written on the blog over the years, here are a few of my favorites, readers’ favorites, and the most popular posts:


These are posts about confidence and joy, sexual arousal, desire, and orgasm.

The most important idea is the dual control model – the brakes and accelerator sexual response mechanism in your brain.

Responsive versus spontaneous desire, an important idea for which I drew a graph that might change your life. I think that embracing it can transform your sex life.

Also: arousal nonconcordance.

What to do with a g-spot, which is related to Why it feels like you have to pee during intercourse.

The 51 Sex Nerds Sex Tips is the most popular of the free eBooks.

And finally: excellent torture.


These are posts about love, dating, breaking up, making up, and generally getting along.

Emotion coaching.

Attachment Styles: a primer

How to feel your feelings. 

How you know when you end a relationship.

Advice for getting over a breakup.

And another thing about feelings.


Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum (unless, ya know, that’s what you’re into); it happens in a context. In your life. Effectively managing your stress and improving your body image are two essential components of that. These are posts about those two things.

Beautiful (my favorite post on the blog, written in memory of a student)

The “little woman.”

Freeze – the stress response you should have learned about a decade ago.

The science of (sexual) frustration.

Relax into sex.

These are posts about preventing sexual violence, supporting survivors, promoting reproductive rights and health, and embracing the complete diversity of human sexuality.

The one reason I haven’t shared the tea/consent thing

What’s actually wrong with telling women not to drink.

How to support a survivor in 4 difficult sentences.

The reality is much quieter.

How likely are you to get pregnant if you weigh 176 pounds and take Plan B.

I believe that the two keys to an extraordinary sex life are Confidence and Joy. I write about confidence and joy here, too.


These are posts about science. Sometimes they’re directly related to the other topics, but sometimes they’re just way cool science.

The day I met evolution.

“An evolutionarily adaptive reproductive strategy.”

My 100th post: a letter to my favorite species.

Dangerously untrue in Psychology Today.

What wrong with Naomi Wolf’s vagina.


These are posts for folks who are just curious about what questions other people ask me, about what kinds of sex other people get up to and why. Curiosity is an excellent tool to bring with you to pretty much any endeavor, including sex!

And here’s a smorgasbord of common questions about how to have better sex.

The bullshitness of rabbit vibrators.

Everybody poops.

A little to the left.

Monogamy is like math. Desire is like dinner.