most common question I’ve been asked in my decade or two as a sex educator is some variation on, “Am I normal?” Like,

“I don’t have orgasms with intercourse. Is that okay?” (Answer: Yep!)


I’m totally a feminist but I really get off on fantasies of being dominated. Is that… ya know…”(Answer: absolutely


“I don’t tend to want sex until my partner initiates first… what’s wrong with me?” (Answer: Nothing’s wrong, you just have responsive desire rather than spontaneous desire.)


And my students tell me that the most important thing they learn from me is, “I Am Normal.”

The Big Idea here is that our culture (or, maybe more accurately, big corporations that want to sell us stuff) would have us consider many totally normal, healthy aspects of sexuality as “dirty.”




And I’m not referring just to physical dirt – though I am definitely referring to physical dirt and bodily fluids and the idea that, regardless of how we feel about the fact, we are indeed “a bunch of sicko animals with goop all sloshin’ around everywhere.” No, it’s not just the sticky aspects of sex that get called “dirty,” it’s also any aspect of sexuality that is perceived as outside the norm. “Dirty” is a moral judgment.

Here’s what I think: I think that the more people feel good about their own sexuality, the better their sex lives will be. But even more, the more people feel good about their own sexuality, the more they’ll be able to relax about OTHER people’s sexuality too. Yeah. I’m talking about less prejudice and discrimination. I’m talking about social justice through better sex. Yeah.

The dirty normal is consent, confidence, and joy. Each of those things requires knowledge of yourself, of your partner, and of the sexual world around you.

Building that knowledge is the purpose of this website.

I like the sticky, I believe in the virtue of dirty. And I believe in equality through consent, confidence, and joy. And that is what the “dirty normal” is.