one bit of orgasm advice that actually helps

one bit of orgasm advice that actually helps

As of today, we are 50 days away from the release of my book, which I can’t shut up about because I genuinely believe it’ll change people’s lives for the better. In celebration, I wanted to tell you about an email I received recently – one of those wonderful emails that tell you you’re doing something right. I was doing a Q&A with a group of students and we got to talking about orgasm – you know, as you do – and in particular we talked about what to do when you notice yourself struggling with orgasm. I said, “There’s this thing

How many women *never* orgasm?

How many women *never* orgasm?

As I was researching my epic g-spot piece, I reread Elisabeth Lloyd’s excellent Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the science of evolution, and I had one of those “HOLY CRAP,” moments. It came in Chapter 1, when I was reading these data:   This is basically how Dr. Lloyd summarizes 32 studies conducted over 70+ years, on the frequency of women’s orgasms with intercourse – intercourse ALONE, mind you, not orgasm with additional direct clitoral stimulation. (It doesn’t add up to 100% because there are overlap in the groups, but it’s a solid representation of 70 years of science.) The central

An awesome question: How does one go about determining one’s sexual orientation?

An awesome question: How does one go about determining one’s sexual orientation?

Here’s an awesome question:   How does one go about determining one’s sexual orientation?   And someone else asked:   can one change sexuality? for example, het to homo   Let’s take them both together.   The second one is easy: No. Actually, it’s a little more complicated than that: No, not on purpose. It may change, but it doesn’t change because you choose it, it changes because… life experiences changes people a little. Sexual orientation does change over the lifespan – you can become more or less strongly attracted to people of different bodies and personalities. In women, sexual orientation

An awesome question: how does a fetish develop?

An awesome question: how does a fetish develop?

Here’s an awesome question:   how does a fetish develop? how does one acquire one? is it innate? or nurtured?   No one is born with a fetish. In fact, almost nothing is “innately” sexually relevant – at birth, the only thing that sexually arouses us is the sensations of our genitals. So what happens is that from birth, our brains begin linking that sensation with external stimuli – the sensation of our genitals against our hands, the sights and smells around us, people, etc. Remember “classical conditioning” from your college psych class? Pavlov’s dogs learning to salivate when a bell rang,

An awesome question: is there a link between Autism spectrum and BDSM?

An awesome question: is there a link between Autism spectrum and BDSM?

Here’s an awesome question: Has there been any scientific link shown between austim spectral disorders with their various sensory issues, and either an increased tendency towards BDSM/kink or a reduced tendency towards BDSM/kink? Through some minimal googling, I’ve seen individual sex therapists and relationship therapists blog about individual clients, with some suggestions both that these sensory issues can either lead to an aversion to intimate touch or a tendency towards stimulation that others would view as painful. An example. I also read something suggesting that there was a potential distinction here between pain as pleasure and pleasure from nominally painful pressures/stimuli

An awesome question: What’s the most intense vibrator?

An awesome question: What’s the most intense vibrator?

Here’s an awesome question:   What vibrator do you recommend for significant stimulation!   To which I must respond with another question: Significant stimulation of what? For intense stimulation of the clitoris, the Hitachi Magic Wand – a.k.a., The Cadillac of Vibrators – has been the gold standard for a long time. It’s big, it’s loud, it plugs into the wall, and it will get just about anybody to orgasm, under the right circumstances. It’ll generally run you about $55. I recommend getting a plug-in dimmer with it, since it has just two speeds; the dimmer gives you a wider

An awesome question: how do I stay interested in sex after ejaculation?

An awesome question: how do I stay interested in sex after ejaculation?

Here’s an awesome question:   Happy vacation! I’m a male in my late 30’s. What are some ways to improve prolonging my interest in sex after ejaculation? I have all these grand ideas of continuing the sexy times, but then I ejaculate and completely fizzle (not just physically, I lose almost all interest in sex almost immediately). My partner is usually worn out at this point too so it’s not a problem in our sex life. Sometimes she is interested in continuing, and will guide me to continue touching or going down, that’s usually the best way to keep me

An awesome question: what exactly *is* female ejaculate made of?

An awesome question: what exactly *is* female ejaculate made of?

Here’s an awesome question:   What is squirt? I have never received a good explanation of exactly what this liquid is.   “Squirt” – the fluid emitted from the urethral sponge by women who ejaculate is, very specifically, female ejaculate. It’s not urine, it’s not vaginal secretions, it’s just… female ejaculate. In a 2007 paper titled “The female prostate revisited: perineal ultrasound and biochemical studies of female ejaculate” Austrian researchers examined the urine and ejaculate of two 40-something premenopausal women who ejaculated regularly. Result?   Biochemically, parameters of the examination of the fluid emitted were clearly different than urine voided prior to