An awesome question: how does a fetish develop?

An awesome question: how does a fetish develop?

Here’s an awesome question:   how does a fetish develop? how does one acquire one? is it innate? or nurtured?   No one is born with a fetish. In fact, almost nothing is “innately” sexually relevant – at birth, the only thing that sexually arouses us is the sensations of our genitals. So what happens is that from birth, our brains begin linking that sensation with external stimuli – the sensation of our genitals against our hands, the sights and smells around us, people, etc. Remember “classical conditioning” from your college psych class? Pavlov’s dogs learning to salivate when a bell rang,

An awesome question: is there a link between Autism spectrum and BDSM?

An awesome question: is there a link between Autism spectrum and BDSM?

Here’s an awesome question: Has there been any scientific link shown between austim spectral disorders with their various sensory issues, and either an increased tendency towards BDSM/kink or a reduced tendency towards BDSM/kink? Through some minimal googling, I’ve seen individual sex therapists and relationship therapists blog about individual clients, with some suggestions both that these sensory issues can either lead to an aversion to intimate touch or a tendency towards stimulation that others would view as painful. An example. I also read something suggesting that there was a potential distinction here between pain as pleasure and pleasure from nominally painful pressures/stimuli

the dual control model

the dual control model

Originally written by the romantic euphemism and me for Erika Masturbateer Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy, here is The Dirty Normal Official Summary of How the Dual Control Model Works:

thy rod and thy staff

It’ll tell you something about how my life is going lately when I tell you that on Friday my computer broke and then I went to a memorial service for someone almost young enough to be my daughter, almost. It’s been rough. But that doesn’t stop me noticing blog material! At the service, we said Psalm 23. For those not familiar, here is the text: The lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths

too rough, too rude, too boist’rous

It’s the kink lecture today. Students have informed me that they’ve been anticipating it all semester. Well of course no lecture can stand up too extravagant expectations, but I’ve done my best, including creating a visually interesting PPT presentation. All semester, I’ve illustrated my lectures with images by Michael Rosen, an erotic art photographer based in San Francisco. Why him? Well there are lots of reasons, but a primary reason has to do with my reason for doing a lecture on kink in the first place. My main purpose in talking about kink is to show the universality of the

i like the sticky

This is a less sciencey, more airy fairypost. My sister would call it “fruity.” Touchy feely. Because I had a rough night. See, I like the sticky – I mean, the sticky aspects of being human and having sex. It’s a thing for me; part of being sex positive is being comfortable with the organic parts of sex. As part of a lovingkindness meditation, though, I tried imagining the experience of a person who genuinely believed her body’s fluids were disgusting and that it was RIGHT to find her fluids disgusting. I had to cut the meditation short and switch

excellent torture

I’ve been pretty heavy on the nerd lately, and not paying as much attention to the sex. Let’s fix that. How to maximize your torment of your partner. Haven’t you wanted to be in that position of power where you stand at the gate of your partner’s orgasm, tempting them gradually closer, then wickedly slamming the gate in their face and sending them to the back of the queue, only to draw them, even more eager, forward, over and over, until they hate you and love you in equal measure and they can’t think and can’t move and are begging

the experience versus the memory

Nobel prize winner and psychologist extraordinaire Daniel Kahmeman talks about the distinction between the experiencing self versus the remembering self in the context of happiness – happy in your life (experience) versus happy about your life (remembering). Of course I’m a sexuality person so I wonder how this relates to sexuality. Given the importance of self-reported “distress” in the diagnosis of sexual dysfunction (PDF of paper by Cynthia Graham, my clinical supervisor in grad school and one of my heroes), it’s likely that a difference between the experience and the memory would have significance for the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment