the dual control model

the dual control model

Originally written by the romantic euphemism and me for Erika Masturbateer Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy, here is The Dirty Normal Official Summary of How the Dual Control Model Works:

what would those headlines look like?

So. In the same way that romance novels often (not always) reinforce the idea that excellent sex emerges from creative, athletic technique and large, frequent orgasms, magazine covers ubiquitously tell us that orgasm and technique are the keys to avoiding mediocrity in bed. A few examples from a Google Image search for “Cosmo Magazine”: The oh! zone: how to find your orgasm EVERY time 67 New Sex Tricks Including the Tongue Swirl that Will Push Him Over the Edge How Long Guys Want Sex to Last What Guys Hate for You to Wear to Bed HIS #1 SEX WISH 71%


I have had a totally INTENSE past few days. On Thursday I did a talk on positive sexuality that resulted in a half dozen women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, discussing places to find women-friendly porn and erotica. Totally great. And I gave about 15 seconds of advice about fellatio (“Don’t neglect the scrotum as an option – not all men like it, but some men REALLY like it, so give it a try.”), which resulted in the question, “Where can I find more about that, about… you know?” (Why, my little Fellatio Guide.) The thing for me: how

make a penis happy

make a penis happy

Enough with the political blah blah blah, eh? How about some straight up Sex Advice for Having Better Sex? Here’s one for the folks who have sex with people who have penises. It’s one that I always think everyone knows and then I’m surprised when it turns out people don’t. Quite simple, but it can make all the difference: When you’re dealing with a penis, squeeze up, relax down. Squeeze up. Relax down. Whether using a hand or a vagina or a mouth or a mechanical device… Squeeze up. Relax down. (Not so much with anal sex, you mostly just

excellent torture

I’ve been pretty heavy on the nerd lately, and not paying as much attention to the sex. Let’s fix that. How to maximize your torment of your partner. Haven’t you wanted to be in that position of power where you stand at the gate of your partner’s orgasm, tempting them gradually closer, then wickedly slamming the gate in their face and sending them to the back of the queue, only to draw them, even more eager, forward, over and over, until they hate you and love you in equal measure and they can’t think and can’t move and are begging

a burst of shameless self-promotion

Hey folks, I’m excited to be able to say that The Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Man is available in PDF and formats compatible with iPad, iPhone, Android, Blackberry, etc as well as Kindle. And it’s only like 6 bucks! Hurrah! I almost never ever write about fellatio, so if you want to know what I have to say on the subject, this is pretty much to way to do it. Mine is the first guide available at Good In Bed, which is a site organized and edited by Ian Kerner of She Comes First fame. So

what women want (12): leave that clit alone

Women want… … well, some of them want you to leave their clitorises WELL ALONE. Have I mentioned lately that WOMEN VARY? One of the ways that women vary is in the directness of clitoral stimulation that they enjoy/can tolerate. Some women are enthusiastically pro-diddle – they are strongly in favor of you planting a fingertip lightly but firmly just south of the glans clitoris and bobbling it rapidly up and down. Indeed, you may feel very pleased with yourself that you’ve found that a flicky tongue along the clitoral shaft can get your gal to the heights of ecstasy

questions that don’t matter (1)

I firmly believe there’s no such thing as a stupid question. However. That doesn’t mean that all questions are important. There are a lot of questions whose answers just don’t matter – especially questions about sex. There are all these deeply unimportant questions that people are burning to ask, because these are the questions the ridiculous media present as being important. People ask them all the time and I try REALLY hard not to roll my eyes or sigh heavily or otherwise indicate how little I care about the answer, how little the answer will make them healthier or happier,