An awesome question: How do you fix sex education?

An awesome question: How do you fix sex education?

Here’s an awesome question:   If you could re-design the sexuality education curriculum for middle/high school students what would you change? (i.e. what are some practical relationship skills that you think are missing in today’s youth?)      Honestly, I’d redesign the curriculum so that it was the parents who received the education. Parental shame about sex transmits DIRECTLY into kids’ brains and screws them right the hell up. Fix the parents’ shame, and the kids will sort themselves out. But assuming we can’t do that, I think if I could teach just one central skill to kids, I’d teach…

An awesome question: How do I initiate sex when my partner doesn’t have spontaneous desire?

An awesome question: How do I initiate sex when my partner doesn’t have spontaneous desire?

Here’s an awesome question:   I love what you’ve written on responsive desire- it makes so much sense! I wanted to know if you have any advice as far as initiating sexual activity with a partner whose desire for sex is primarily responsive? I know that communication is key, but I’m terribly shy, and have a lot of trouble initiating with my partner. My partner doesn’t really experience spontaneous desire even though they’re happy to respond.    Totally! A review of responsive versus spontaneous desire: Spontaneous desire is out-of-the-blue desire for sex. Responsive desire is desire for sex that emerges

An awesome question: How do I ask for what I want in bed, when my partner is emotion dismissing?

An awesome question: How do I ask for what I want in bed, when my partner is emotion dismissing?

Here’s an awesome question:   I need help explaining to my partner about my feelings. I told them that it’s difficult for me to ask for what i want, and it’s a really big deal when I do have the courage to ask, so to please appreciate that courage. They say I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable asking because it’s them and they don’t understand why I’m even saying that. How can I handle this? They act put out when I ask for simple stuff, so I don’t feel comfortable about my chances of asking for the kind of sex I desire.   The dynamic

An awesome question: how do you ask to try something adventurous, without freaking out a new partner?

An awesome question: how do you ask to try something adventurous, without freaking out a new partner?

Here’s an awesome question:   When you’re with someone new, what’s the best way to gauge their adventurousness in the bedroom? How do I suggest new positions, techniques, things considered “kinky” without coming off as someone who has tried everything?   Well the too-easy answer is: The best way to gauge their adventurousness or anything is to ask. “Would you be interested in trying reverse cowgirl?” “I’ve been fantasizing about tying you to the bed, blindfolding you, and not letting you up until I make you come three times. What’s your opinion of that?” “How would you feel about possibly spanking

An awesome question: My spouse’s desire has disappeared. Will I ever have sex again?

An awesome question: My spouse’s desire has disappeared. Will I ever have sex again?

Here’s another awesome question about desire in a long term relationship, this time a monogamous one:   My partner is 40. They no longer have any interest in sex whatsoever and can’t be gotten into the mood no matter what we do. Nor are they willing to engage in sex if they’re not interested–they say they feels like I’d be using them. What do I do? Am I doomed to masturbation for the rest of my life?   The real answer is: Sex therapy. AASECT has a list of certified sex therapists and counselors, by geographic area. Find one. You are stuck, and no amount of education can get

An awesome question: what is “enthusiastic consent”?

An awesome question: what is “enthusiastic consent”?

Here’s an awesome question, and I’ll put a gentle notice here that it’s a discussion of consent, including the absence of consent:   Please define enthusiastic consent.   Enthusiastic consent is the gold standard consent. It’s not just an active “Yes” – which is bare minimum consent- it’s a “HOLY MOSES YES NOW PLEASE DO IT OH MY GOD THAT YEEEEEEEES!” From the point of view of the dual control model,  enthusiastic consent happens when sexually relevant things are activating your brain’s sexual “accelerator,” and nothing, no potential threats at all, are hitting your brain’s sexual “brakes.” The “ons” are turned

the dual control model

the dual control model

Originally written by the romantic euphemism and me for Erika Masturbateer Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy, here is The Dirty Normal Official Summary of How the Dual Control Model Works: