sex post-partum

Coupla questions over the last few months about sex after childbirth – mostly from the male partners of the folks having the babies. Lower desire, more pain, and mental noise about body image stuff is endemic among post-partum women; it’s all norma, but that doesn’t always make it easier for iether person in the relationship. So what can you do? Figured I might as well let ya’ll know what I told folks: Ian Kerner wrote a book called Love in the Time of Colic (best title ever), which may have some answers. I’ve actually found that the best advice for

the truth about the toilet seat

As you may know, this year I married my romantic euphemism, who happens to be a boytype penis-haver. Being a girltype vagina-haver, I wondered if living with him on a permanent basis would teach me anything in particular about the nature of gender dynamics in domestic partnerships. And after just two months, it has. Last night it did. I’ve always been sympathetic to the argument that if two people with different genitals share a house, then the toilet seat can be in whatever position it finds itself; after all, it’s no more MY toilet seat than HIS, so why foist

Need help finding a story about…

I’m looking for a movie or book or short story or comic about sexuality fluidity. The storyline I *don’t* need is, “Here I am going along in my life and WHAMMO ALL OF A SUDDEN IT TURNS OUT I AM GAY (or straight) WHEN ALL ALONG I THOUGHT I WAS STRAIGHT (or gay).” I’m looking for an example of a person (let’s call them Chris) who has one identity, falls in love with a person whose own gender is incongruent with Chris’s identity, and Chris does NOT decide that they were in denial all along but instead goes, “That’s unexpected!

a highly educated, never married white woman

According to the New York Times, I am a member of the group of Americans that will live “the longest, healthiest lives of all groups.” I am a highly educated, never-married white woman. Education is protective against all kinds of health risks, that’s been obvious for decades, and a background of ANY privileged status (in this case race) improves health outcomes, and only in the last decade or so has the “marriage is good for men’s health and bad for women’s health” trend begun to change (PDF). So of course I’m in the healthiest group. But man, this is an

how often you think about sex… or food or sleep

A neat blog post from Brian Mustanski over at Psychology Today, about a study on frequency of thoughts about sex. It’s a neat study that asked participants to press a clicker each time they thought about either food, sex, or sleep – depending which group they were in. (Brian is another Kinsey alum, so I have a natural bias toward his work. I really like his stuff.) My favorite part is on page two of the Psychology Today article, where Brian talks about problems in the media’s coverage of the study, which parallels my thinking on mainstream journalism reporting science:


The first thing I want to say is: Kate, how do you look? You look FUCKING HOT. You look FUCKING AMAZING. You look sexy and disreputable and rebellious and brilliant and highly, highly gorgeous. And YES, my friends, that IS a sonic screwdriver. And YES that is Kate Frackin’ Bornstein (pron. Stine, just so you know, not steen) across a dinner table with me, holding a SONIC SCREWDRIVER. YES. YES. Do I have a magical life? I have a magical life. I am in Saratoga Springs at a college health education conference and Kate Frackin’ Bornstein was the keynote speaker

womanhood is a terminal condition

On a long drive I started listening to Bill Bryson’s entertaining (and at times ghastly) “At Home: a short history of private life.” The book travels through the rooms of a house and recounts interesting tidbits from history that made that room what it is. In Chapter 15, The Bedroom, he writes about the 19th century: …[W]omanhood was automatically deemed to be a pathological condition. There was a belief, more or less universal, that women after puberty were either ill or on the verge of being ill, almost permanently. “The development of breasts, womb, and other reproductive apparatus drained energy


So you guys! Did you read about how @feministhulk went to the school where I work? I am FRICKIN’ STOKED about this. Now, full disclosure, I do not personally think Judith Butler is quite the shit that the social constructivists in the audience might, I don’t really buy the argument that biological sex is socially constructed, and I actually think the gender binary is a perfect reasonable way to think about human life on earth, as long as you bear in mind the extent to which biology is both messy and not inherently meaningful. But! I am all about some