a new year’s resolution: notice pleasure

a new year’s resolution: notice pleasure

So many of us in the modern Western world are taught to beat the shit out of ourselves, because beating the shit out of ourselves is apparently how we will grow. How we heal. How we will earn the right to be loved. Reality check: If you beat the shit out of a baby or a dog or a bird or any living organism, does it grow? Does it heal? Does it earn the right to be loved? In fact, living organisms grow in the warm light of safety and curious exploration. We heal under the soothing balm of compassion and kindness. And to

confidence and joy: how to

confidence and joy: how to

Confidence and joy. They are how you make magical sex happen. But confidence and joy are hard to come by sometimes, friends. Sometimes the world is an awful place and sometimes it tries to tell you you’re awful too. So for a long time, I’ve been trying to work out great ways to teach people how they can increase confidence and joy. Today, I’m pleased to offer this idea:   Try on the tiara.   “What the hell does that mean, Emily?” you ask. And I answer: in the movie, “Frozen,” Elsa, the sister with the ice power, uses her superpower to create

the dual control model

the dual control model

Originally written by the romantic euphemism and me for Erika Masturbateer Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy, here is The Dirty Normal Official Summary of How the Dual Control Model Works:

Q&A: Can you change your sexual response?

An anonymous someone, female and pansexual, asked: How much is it possible to deliberately change your own sexual response (as opposed to sexuality being largely innate)? And what an important question that is! A useful way to think about the idea of sexual response is to break it into two concepts: arousal and arousability. Arousability refers to your trait levels of SIS and SES (dual control model). Our best understanding at this point is that sexual arousability works along the lines of intelligence, height or any of the other plastic traits: you’re born with a certain range of potential, and

100 days with Hanne

Hanne Blank, whose several books, both fiction and non, are nourishing to read, is doing a thing, where for 100 days, between Feb 1 and May 11 this year, she’ll try “easing into a new body practice by choosing to try the experiment of doing it for a chunk of time that is short enough to be doable and imaginable, but long enough to let you actually sink into what you’re doing and start to feel comfortable with it.” 100 days, in this case. She offers four rules: 1) Before February 1, decide on a new body practice you’d like

sex post-partum

Coupla questions over the last few months about sex after childbirth – mostly from the male partners of the folks having the babies. Lower desire, more pain, and mental noise about body image stuff is endemic among post-partum women; it’s all norma, but that doesn’t always make it easier for iether person in the relationship. So what can you do? Figured I might as well let ya’ll know what I told folks: Ian Kerner wrote a book called Love in the Time of Colic (best title ever), which may have some answers. I’ve actually found that the best advice for

Woertman and van den Brink, 2012: body image and sex

From the Maximegalon Institute for Slowly and Painfully Working Out the Suprisingly Obvious (thanks, DA) comes this new #paperIlike: Woertman and van den Brink’s (2012) “Body Image and Female Sexual Functioning and Behavior: a Review” in the Journal of Sex Research (JSR). Guess what? It turns out negative body image interferes with desire, arousal, and orgasm for healthy women. It’s also correlated with lower sexual satisfaction and greater genital pain. Adult women (the results are more mixed with adolescents) with more positive body image have more sex, partnered and solo, and more satisfying sex. I know a lot of this

The Feelings. ALL THE FEELINGS.

At last I have put it together! There are two things that I’ve been thinking about that have created a giant insight, just this morning, which will inform the book that I swear to god I am writing this summer. (1) There was some social injustice stuff that went down on my campus this past semester. You may have read about some of it on the Huffington Post. As I struggled to understand my role on campus through that process, I read biographies and autobiographies of social justice leaders. And here’s what I noticed: The books and stories told me