In Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski, PhD, provided science-backed lessons that revolutionized the way we think about women’s sexuality. Now, in Come Together, Nagoski takes on a fundamentally misunderstood subject: sex in long-term relationships.

Nagoski breaks down the myths many of us have been taught about sex—for instance, the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship and that they will inevitably decline the longer that relationship lasts. Nagoski assures us that’s not true.

So, what is true? Come Together isn’t about how much we want sex, or how often we’re having it; it’s about whether we like the sex we’re having. Nagoski breaks down the obstacles that impede us from enjoying sex—from stress and body image, to relationship difficulties and gendered beliefs about how sex “should” be—and presents the best ways to overcome them. You’ll learn:

That “spontaneous desire” is not the kind of desire to strive for if you want to have great sex for decades.

Vocabulary for talking with partners about ways to get in “the mood” and how to not take it personally when “the mood” is nowhere to be found.

How to understand your own and your partners’ “emotional floorplan,” so that you have a blueprint for how to get to a sexy state of mind.

With her signature insight, humor, and empathy, Nagoski shows us what great sex can look like, how to create it in our own lives, and what to do when struggles arise.

After five years of talking to readers, Emily has updated Come As You Are with new science, new language, and new perspectives. Emily has recorded a three part audio preface to the book to explain some of what’s new: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Order a signed copy from Emily’s local indie bookseller, Book Moon Books. (They’re wonderful.)

You can also order from Amazon, and from a plethora of sellers via Simon and Schuster’s website.

Emily narrates the new audiobook, with the part of The Patriarchy played by her favorite narrator, Nicholas Boulton. The audiobook is available from Book Moon and on Audible.

Burnout. Many women in America have experienced it. What’s expected of women and what it’s really like to be a woman in today’s world are two very different things—and women exhaust themselves trying to close the gap between them. How can you “love your body” when every magazine cover has ten diet tips for becoming “your best self”? How do you “lean in” at work when you’re already operating at 110 percent and aren’t recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a sexist world that is constantly telling you you’re too fat, too needy, too noisy, and too selfish?Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead of asking us to ignore the very real obstacles and societal pressures that stand between women and well-being, they explain with compassion and optimism what we’re up against—and show us how to fight back.