what women want (1)

Thanks to Brody’s useful comment, I’ve decided to spend a bunch of time focused on helping men understand women. We are, it’s true, a complex stew of contradictory feelings and ideas. We are mysterious and sometimes demanding. But we’re AMAZING and totally worth the effort! So each one of these will identify something that women want, and offer some ideas about how to give it to them. First thing women want: Women want to feel good about their bodies. But it’s really, really, really, really, really, really difficult in the face of multiple generations of pressure from the media to

orgasm 3: vibration

There are two things I’d like everyone in the universe to know about women, orgasms, and vibrators: First, 95% of women who masturbate do so with no vaginal penetration (see Orgasm 1). So even though many quality sex toy shops feature a rows of phallic vibrators lined up like soldiers, with oscillating heads and beaded shafts and god only know what else, and even though these displays make an awe-inspiring, wallet-opening presentation, in fact most of women’s masturbation involves clitoral stimulation alone. Don’t get me wrong, ain’t nothin’ wrong with penetrative masturbation, heck no, I just wanna make sure ya’ll

anatomy: philtrum

anatomy: philtrum

Philtrum. The divot between your nose and your lip. It has no purpose – it’s a spandrel, a byproduct of what happens when your face assembles itself while you’re a fetus and it’s not particularly sensitive, but it is a GREAT visual cue that you can use to draw attention to your lips. Dab of lipgloss right at the center of your top lip. Excellent. It’s apparently also a good focal point for your attention while practicing yoga, according to friend Patrick.

how sex works

The best way to think about sexual arousal is the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response, a newish theory developed at the Kinsey Institute by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft. As you might guess from the name, the dual control modelhas two parts: Sexual Excitation System (SES) – SES is the gas pedal of your sexuality, responding to sexually relevant stimuli in the environment, from visual stimuli to tactile stimuli and everything in between. It constantly scans the environment (including your own thoughts and feelings) for things that are sexually appealing and as it finds things, it sends signals from

beauty… again.

Yes, my bit there last week about male beauty begs the question, “Is quaffed perfection what men want?” If it’s not true that straight women want the lapidary man of magazine covers and romance novels, could it be that men also prefer their women a little unkempt, a little degagee in their body maintenance? Answer: yeah, could be! A recent Australian study apparently found that men prefer the average body size of ordinary women, around an American dress size 10 or 12, to the superskinny ideal we’re trained to venerate. A substantial body of research about heterosexual men shows that


Never let it be said that I shy away from controversy. Pubic hair. Apparently about half of all college women remove all of it, all the time. Many of my peers think this trend, borne of the hairlessness of women in pornography, is a pedophilic return to pre-pubescence. They say that women are buying in to their own objectification and subjugation. My peers, they judge the college students. I have two things to say in response to that. First of all, most of my peers shave their legs and would hesitate before going out bare-legged without shaving. What exactly is

breaking up is hard to do

This came up on three separate occasions today, so it seems the fates want me to post about it: To end a relationship, you really must have no contact. Because remember attachment? Breaking up is about breaking the attachment, which… well it hurts. That’s just true and there’s not a lot to do about it. Because as infants our lives quite literally depended on our object of attachment, as adults we experience the abandonment of our attachment object with extreme distress. Our lives no longer depend on our attachment, but it sure can feel like it. Research on attachment in

Science. Gone. Wrong.

Ya’ll know I’m in love with evolution. It does for me what no mere human could – it understands, it explains, it supports, it gives me a safe place from which to explore the world. And just as you’d hate to see a loved one hurt, so I hate seeing my beloved evolution twisted and battered in the service of mediocre relationship advice. This particular instance, the abuser is Carol Jahme, The Guardian’s “Evolutionary Agony Aunt,” and her dating tips for men. There’s so much wrong with this I hardly know where to begin. But I gotta say something because