Again, by request: anal intercourse. Let me say first that penetration is a separate thing from external anal play. The anal sphincter is exquisitely sensitive and enjoys very light touch with well-lubricated fingers or a soft, caressing tongue. Both external and penetrative anal stimulation are additional sensations that can make powerful accompaniments to clitoral/penile or vaginal stimulation. Layers of stimulation, like whole body, plus clitoral, plus vaginal, plus anal, piled up gradually as a person gets more and more aroused makes for a highly intense experience that will make your toes curl and your eyes roll up in your head.
By request: Is there a honeymoon phase? Does it end? Yes. And yes. The honeymoon phase is made of attachment, the wildly powerful biological experience we tend to call “falling in love.” (I’m such a romantic, eh?) It can last, oh, maybe about 4 years, give or take. It has to end. That passionate phase is actually quite stressful – delicious and wonderful, but stressful, with its constantly heightened emotional state and the lack of sleep and the replacing food with sex. That shit can kill you! So yeah, it goes away – or, more accurately, it develops into something
The First Kiss post sparked a little controversy – well it was only Andrew disagreeing with me, which he does about most things, but in a fun way usually – which got me thinking about gender differences associated with initiating Firsts in a relationship. (This will all involve a lot of “Boys do this and girls do that,” and categorical statements like that are inherently untrue, but I’m using them as shortcuts even though they are problematic. Sorry.) So imagine this: you’re a boy, right? And you’re with a girl. And you’ve each spent a couple decades stewing the cultural
What do women want, you ask? They want to know that you thought about them when they weren’t there. You do think about her when she isn’t there, right? Then this shouldn’t be too difficult for you. If you don’t… well I just have no response to that. I have a hard time getting inside the head of someone who doesn’t think about the person they’re partnered with. Anyway. It’s what giving flowers is really about. What flowers you bring almost doesn’t matter; what matters is that it occurred to you to do something for her (a) without her asking
Energy orgasm. I’ve gotten more questions about this since BigThink posted the video of Barry Komisaruk on thinking yourself to orgasm. (Actually he says more about the topic in this video.) “Is it true that some people can have orgasms without touching themselves?” Yup. “Cool! How does it work?” Well, it’s complicated and it’s not well understood, but here’s my take on it: Remember first that an orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension, and that that tension is generated by giving your Sexual Excitation System something to respond to. Your brain notices the sexy things in the environment
Not that long ago I offered what advice I could about how to ask out your crush object. The next worrisome “first move” is probably gonna be the first kiss. I can tell you that the first kiss is easiest after it’s reasonably clear that you both fancy each other. You can’t know for sure, you can only get a general sense. I can tell you that timing is important – a first kiss is a good punctuation mark. At the end of a date, at a transition point in the date, even a the start. I can tell you
I’m nerding out over this Sunday’s NYT Magazine’s cover article on non-human homosexual behavior, a charmingly cautious tiptoe through the minefield of mistakes we make when we think about the evolution of sex. I talked with students about this article before I read it, which gave me some sense of the degree to which journalist Jon Mooallem succeeded in steering readers away from bombs. It’s about a 70% success rate, I’d say, but that’s pretty good compared to a lot of the crap you see in the media. NYT does a better job, generally, than any other mainstream medium, and
What’s good advice? Is it advice someone takes? Advice that you believe to be right, regardless of how the receiver feels? According to these folks, good advice isn’t so much advice as it is information. Which is great news for me, an educator, because information is my job. But sex advice isn’t the same as other advice; it trudges heavily, as other advice doesn’t have to, weighted down by moral baggage. There are probably other forms of advice-giving and information-giving that are as laden with moral emotion, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head. During