making the first move: the first kiss

Not that long ago I offered what advice I could about how to ask out your crush object. The next worrisome “first move” is probably gonna be the first kiss. I can tell you that the first kiss is easiest after it’s reasonably clear that you both fancy each other. You can’t know for sure, you can only get a general sense. I can tell you that timing is important – a first kiss is a good punctuation mark. At the end of a date, at a transition point in the date, even a the start. I can tell you

the mistakes we make

I’m nerding out over this Sunday’s NYT Magazine’s cover article on non-human homosexual behavior, a charmingly cautious tiptoe through the minefield of mistakes we make when we think about the evolution of sex. I talked with students about this article before I read it, which gave me some sense of the degree to which journalist Jon Mooallem succeeded in steering readers away from bombs. It’s about a 70% success rate, I’d say, but that’s pretty good compared to a lot of the crap you see in the media. NYT does a better job, generally, than any other mainstream medium, and

sex advice, sex education. how to.

What’s good advice? Is it advice someone takes? Advice that you believe to be right, regardless of how the receiver feels? According to these folks, good advice isn’t so much advice as it is information. Which is great news for me, an educator, because information is my job. But sex advice isn’t the same as other advice; it trudges heavily, as other advice doesn’t have to, weighted down by moral baggage. There are probably other forms of advice-giving and information-giving that are as laden with moral emotion, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head. During

pedal pushing

pedal pushing

From the enthralling world of News that Doesn’t Matter, pedal pushing is finally getting the attention it doesn’t deserve. Which brings me to foot fetishes. There are lots of stories about the various fetishes in the world, and there are very many, and very varied fetishes. Every body part, every fluid, and every social phenomenon can be eroticized. But the foot fetish is one that I think is quite simple to explain – or as simple as anything so rare and complex can be. My explanation is this: The somatosensory homunculus (a favorite phrase of mine because it’s fun to

not yet rated

So I watched “This Film is Not Yet Rated.” Lots of big important issues about violence and militarism, religiosity, and general censorship, but of course I’m me, so I was interested in the sex. There were some miserable if unsurprising things. Like, over and over women’s sexual pleasure was “offensive” while violence – particularly unrealistic violence where you get to see things go boom without seeing any real consequences of the violence – was fine. On the bright side, I fell a little bit in love with Kevin Smith when he said that top of his list for offensive material

3 differences between men and women

I’ve mentioned that men and women differ, globally speaking, in terms of spontaneous v. responsive desire – i.e., men are more likely to be walking down the street and think, “Hm, I’d like sex!” while women are more likely to feel their partner kissin’ on ’em and go, “Hm, I’d like sex!” There are other differences, all of them population-level and therefore none of them are explanations for why YOUR sexuality is the way it is. But they might go some way in helping us understand cultural stereotypes and myths, eh? Examples: Excitation and Inhibition. “SES” is the Sexual Excitation

what women want: making it easier for your partner

So far we’ve had 5 w.w.w. posts. We learned that women want: 1. …to feel good about their bodies 2. …to be wanted 3. …to be appreciated 4. …not to have to worry about everything 5. …to succumb Arritey. In short, women want to be understood, supported, and desired. Okay, so. We can make our partners’ lives a little easier by meeting them halfway on some of this stuff. To that end, I want to spend just one post dispensing some homespun advice about, you know, how to be happy and stuff. Maybe none of this will be new to

of warts, sores, and testing

I was chatting yesterday with a physician about recommendations and guidelines for testing for STIs (as you do). He explained the new guidelines for Pap smears and I told him that the Syphillis/Facebook correlation is bunkum. It was a nice time. Anyway. For 10 years, I taught young women to get annual exams starting when they were 18, whether they were sexually active or not. Now the guideline is to start at 21, test every OTHER year until you’re 30, then test every 3 years as long as the results are normal. Why? Because learning that you have HPV causes