snow day

Live in New England? Buried under piles of snow and ice? Yeah, me too.

I take it as my responsibility to help the snowbound think of interesting ideas to prevent going stir crazy. I consider it a public service, helping to keep people off the road and safe at home. Here’s 10 thoughts:

  1. Play like a kid in the snow – snowball fights, snow angels, throwing yourself into 4-foot high snowbanks for the hell of it, run races through thigh-high accumulation – until your nose stings with cold, then run inside, strip down, and get into a hot, hot shower. With a friend.
  2. Soak in a hot bath with bubbles, Epsom salts, a bath melt or bath bomb, or other sensation-stimulating soaking agent. For like an hour. Read erotica. Masturbate. Invite a friend to participate or watch. Curl up on the couch with a heap of blankets, a stack of DVDs, and some high quality beer. With a friend.
  3. Curl up in bed with a laptop and shop for sex toys online. With a friend. Have lube handy in case things escalate. (The bonus with this plan is that you get the fun of the shopping AND the fun of the toy’s arrival in the mail.)
  4. Already have all the sex toys you need? Curl up in bed with a sex toy. With a friend. And plenty of lube.
  5. Skip the laptop and the toys and just curl up under the warm covers. The sweatier the better. Slather any skin you can reach with oil. Rub.
  6. Oooh: slather skin with oil, then wrap most of your partner in plastic wrap. Rip small holes in the plastic and lick, suck, or bite the tiny sliver of exposed skin. Inner thighs, the inside of upper arms, the underside of breasts, and the soles of feet will be particularly good for this.
  7. Write down some fantasies and read them aloud. Search for erotica online and read it aloud – I can recommend Clean Sheets.
  8. Turn up the thermostat and play strip Boggle. or strip Scrabble. Or strip Go Fish!
  9. Just barely melt some chocolate chips with a little butter or oil. Smear on anything you would like to lick.
  10. A bottle of wine, a naked (or as clothed as you like) body or two, and an open mind. If you need more direction than that, then god, Jed…

Do not get in your car. Do not check your work email. Do not cater exclusively to the children, pets, or other dependents. If you can avoid it, don’t answer the phone, don’t get the mail. In other words: hibernate. You, your body, any lovemonkey you choose, and a home full of possibilities.

Look, I know you could use your snow day to do the dusting and mopping you keep meaning to do; you could use it to read the biography of John Adams you’ve been meaning to crack open for a year and a half; you could use it to sleep. But hey, I’m a sex nerd, so I say why not use the day to delve with confidence and joy into new sensations, deeper intimacy, and adventurous experiences?