what I've learned from Facebook about porn -- and what I hope you'll teach me

So about a month ago I created a Facebook page for the blog, so that I could separate the sex stuff I wanted to post from the Emily-is-a-person-with-a-life stuff. (Feel free to “like” it, if you like, but no pressure. Not everybody wants sex-related stuff in the FB feed!)

And being a data-oriented person, it has been FASCINATING to watch what the analytics tell me about what people are interested in.

You know what they’re interested in?

Things that are funny. And things that are about porn and/or sex toys.

And it’s no good saying, “But *I’m* really interested in the science, Emily!” Some people definitely ARE interested in the science. But what increases site traffic, what people “like” or comment on, all those metrics of “effective” social media? Humor and porn and sex toys. The numbers are unambiguous.

Which troubles me a little, beacuse I’ve been thinking about porn a lot lately, and I’m worried about it. I’m working really hard to write this book all about how everything you learned about women’s sexuality was wrong, and I recognize the role porn plays in teaching people how sex works, and I wonder if even the most feminist, socially conscious porn manages to represent women’s sexuality as it really is, rather than as our cultural fantasy would have it be: spontaneous, concordant, and penetration-oriented. I’m worried about it.

I haven’t watched a lot of porn lately, and I was always more oriented toward stories (ugh, typical girl), so can I ask you all? What porn is there that does a really great job of representing women’s sexuality as it is? What’s feminist, socially conscious and responsible, and also scientifically accurate within the constraints of the story they want to tell? What do you love?

I’m seriously asking. If there’s anything you particularly recommend, point me toward it!