I may possibly have articulated the real secret to sex positivity. What do you think?

I may possibly have articulated the real secret to sex positivity. What do you think?

I can’t be the only one who does this: You’re puttering around the house, doing dishes or sweeping up dog hair, or you’re riding your bike to work, or you’re sitting in a terrible meeting, and you start talking to yourself in your head, rehearsing an answer to a question no one has asked you yet but you feel sure they should and will ask. The question for me was, “Emily, what do you really mean by ‘confidence and joy’? What is confidence? What is joy? How do you create them?”   The reason I think people should and will

is there a problem with “fuck yes” consent?

It sounds like a promising idea: “If the answer isn’t, ‘Fuck yes!’ then the answer is ‘Fuck no.’”   Lots of people shared this idea with me and then more recently I saw it this way: “If your response isn’t ‘fuck yes’ it’s no” @charlieglickman #EmbodiedConsent — PDX Academy of SexEd (@PDXAcademyofSex) September 26, 2014   “Fuck yes” is a clear way of expressing “enthusiastic consent,” which is the gold standard consent to sex: everyone involved is thrilled to be there, doing what they’re doing. And it’s awesome!   And… As a woman with a demanding job (that often involves

making responsive desire AWESOME

making responsive desire AWESOME

I am not a comment reader, as a rule (apart from y’all), but when attentive people, doing more thinking than reacting, comment about the stuff I write, I usually learn something important. Like here: Probably [Emily's] biggest point is that “responsive desire” is not the same as low desire, but she’ll have her own book on the subject out pretty soon. Yeah, okay, but (a) it’s not the case that spontaneous desire is just what men have while women have responsive desire — it depends on the circumstances, (b) spontaneous desire can be a lot more fun, and (c) it

Emily Judges: August Forel

Emily Judges: August Forel

  I bet I would have been a fan of Auguste Forel (PDF) if I had been alive in the late 19th and early twentieth centuries. Not only did he (sort of) discover the neuron, he was a reformer, an advocate for social justice and equality. His book, The Sexual Question, was radical in its day. He was a psychiatrist who mostly worked in asylums and mostly thought about alcoholism. He also studied ants – like E. O. Wilson. The thing about working in an asylum is that your point of view is shaped by a culture’s worst consequences on the most vulnerable members

Emily Judges: William Trufant Foster (1914)

Emily Judges: William Trufant Foster (1914)

William Trufant Foster‘s probably well-intended “Social Emergency” is a genuinely superb example of its genre. It offers its own excellent summary: If there is one dominant truth in this volume, it is that any plan for meeting the social emergency that would relax the control of moral and spiritual law over sex impulses is antagonistic, not only to physical health, but as well to the highest development of personality and to the progressive evolution of human society. Yowza. The preface feels particularly poignant to me. It reads (in part): This volume is the outgrowth of an extension course conducted by

“the worst sin passion can commit…”

“the worst sin passion can commit…”

“[T]he worst sin – perhaps the only sin – passion can commit is to be joyless. It must lie down with laughter or makes its bed in hell – there is no middle way…” – Dorothy Sayers I found this animated .gif while I was looking for the Bill Nye one, and I have adopted it and brought it home and given it a spot to sleep at the foot of my own bed. Confidence and joy! I say it over and over again, you guys, because it’s just so totally true. Try it out just hypothetically at first, if it

the brain science of pleasure for #sfs14

the brain science of pleasure for #sfs14

I’ve spent a full day at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit’s Friday institute, Let’s Talk about Sex: The Pleasure Principle. It was amazing – see my twitter feed for my incessant quote tweets – and there was something I was bouncing in my seat about the whole time, just DYING to say it. I’m not a speaker and I’m just about the biggest introvert on the face of the earth, so rather than go down and talk to everyone about this exciting, important idea, I’m writing this blog post first. Okay, so here’s what I was bouncing in my seat

Emily judges: Henry Stanton

Emily judges: Henry Stanton

Combining my precarious new skills with Photoshop and my VERY FAVORITE of all my author headshots – which would otherwise go unused and unappreciated in a folder on my desktop – I give you, “Emily Judges.” In the process of writing the book, I read oh-so-many sex guides, from as far back as the eighteenth century, and dooood, they said SO MANY THINGS that made me give stink eye. SO MANY. And now I can share those things with you, through the wonders of technology. I’ve been trying to learn about the authors of these books, and the astonishing thing