“interesting if true, but so what?” – managing the long-term injuries to sexual wellbeing

“interesting if true, but so what?” – managing the long-term injuries to sexual wellbeing

Cleaning the house today, I am listening to Clarissa Pinkola Estés’s The Joyous Body: Myths & Stories of the Wise Woman Archetype, and was moved to write about something she said that I think is profoundly relevant to those of us who are trying to heal from the wounds inflicted on our sexualities by a sex negative culture or by sexual predators. She says to take full care of your hurts. Take full care, and then if it still hurts, she says, tell yourself, “Interesting if true, but so what?” Here’s why: If you shift focus away from pain, it

“they don’t want to hear that from us!”

“they don’t want to hear that from us!”

I finished “Girls and Sex.” It was a lot harder to read than I expected – which is to say, it was really, really important. The book ends on the note of “what we need to do to change the mess.” More than anything else, as I telegraphed in my last post, is talk to girls (and boys) about pleasure. The author writes of talking with a mom like herself – progressive and feminist – about talking to her daughter about mastubration and orgasm, to which the mom replies, as so many adult caregivers would, “They don’t want to hear

talking to girls about their own pleasure

talking to girls about their own pleasure

I can’t wait to read Peggy Orenstein’s new book, Girls and Sex. I was looking forward to it before I listened to this interview on NPR’s Fresh Air, and now I’m champing at the bit. And. The interview makes clear to me something someone who has already read it told me: “Girls & Sex is a deep dive into the problem. Come As You Are is the solution.”   The interview – and the book – comes to the conclusion that the problems girls face in the midst of porn culture, rape culture, patriarchy, and all the rest of it,

Kinsey’s “new priorities”: a threat to humanity? (Answer: No.) (Sorry.)

Kinsey’s “new priorities”: a threat to humanity? (Answer: No.) (Sorry.)

Dan Savage is FREAKING OUT, you guys, because Sue Carter, the new head of the Kinsey Institute (where I was trained) told a USA Today reporter that she was going to be studying sex in the context of relationships. Let me say first that I think I GET why this triggers so much fear in Dan Savage – indeed, why it prompts him to tell his massive readership that they, too, should “be very, very afraid.” He has been part of a culturally CRUCIAL push to de-“should”-ize sex, to let sex be in a person’s life whatever it wants to

my TEDx talk! “Unlocking the Door to Your Authentic Sexual Wellbeing”

In January I went to Reno and spent about fifteen minutes explaining the two keys to unlock the door to your own authentic sexual wellbeing. [SPOILER: the keys are CONFIDENCE and JOY] And for those who hate videos, here’s a transcript of the talk as it was written (which is not 100% as it was spoken… but almost.) I am a sex educator. It’s the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010 I taught a class called Women’s Sexuality at Smith College. It was a 100-level introductory class, but I shoe-horned in all the science I could

emily’s 180,000 word love letter to romance novels

emily’s 180,000 word love letter to romance novels

A hundred years ago, I read 50 Shades of Grey and found it to be the worst novel I have ever finished… but I also saw what worked for so many people about the story. I saw, because I am a reader of romance novels. I believe romance novels contribute something important to the world: Romancelandia is pro-woman, pro-sex, pro-pleasure and full of happy endings. And I felt betrayed by 50 Shades because, though it tried, it failed to be any of those things. It did not do what a romance novel is supposed to do. I read romance to experience

Chicago Ideas Week video [THRILLING UPDATE] #pleasureisthemeasure

Chicago Ideas Week video [THRILLING UPDATE] #pleasureisthemeasure

Hey everybody! The video of my talk from Chicago Ideas week talk is up! It’s 12 minutes of me Bringing the Science. I had a great time in Chicago and the Ideas Week people treated us speakers like we hung the moon. If you ever get a chance go to, GO. UPDATE: They also posted the short Q&A with all of the sexuality speakers, including me, Chris Donaghue, Abiola Abrams, and Ducky DooLittle. THEY WERE ALL SO FABULOUS.

#obostaughtme I’m normal, and now I want to give back. So: I’m giving away books!

#obostaughtme I’m normal, and now I want to give back. So: I’m giving away books!

Our Bodies, Ourselves is raising $100,000 to supports it efforts in promoting women’s health around the world, using evidence-based health education. OBOS was the first book that taught me that I and my female body are normal. Obviously, I love them. In order to support them beyond just making a donation, I’m offering this incentive for any of you who also donte! Want a free copy of Come as You Are? Want additional sex positive goodies? I AM HERE TO HELP. It’s simple: Contribute to OBOS. As much or as little feels right to you. Email me at enagoski at gmail