emily’s 180,000 word love letter to romance novels

A hundred years ago, I read 50 Shades of Grey and found it to be the worst novel I have ever finished… but I also saw what worked for so many people about the story. I saw, because I am a reader of romance novels. I believe romance novels contribute something important to the world: Romancelandia is pro-woman, pro-sex, pro-pleasure and full of happy endings. And I felt betrayed by 50 Shades because, though it tried, it failed to be any of those things. It did not do what a romance novel is supposed to do. I read romance to experience

Chicago Ideas Week video [THRILLING UPDATE] #pleasureisthemeasure

Chicago Ideas Week video [THRILLING UPDATE] #pleasureisthemeasure

Hey everybody! The video of my talk from Chicago Ideas week talk is up! It’s 12 minutes of me Bringing the Science. I had a great time in Chicago and the Ideas Week people treated us speakers like we hung the moon. If you ever get a chance go to, GO. UPDATE: They also posted the short Q&A with all of the sexuality speakers, including me, Chris Donaghue, Abiola Abrams, and Ducky DooLittle. THEY WERE ALL SO FABULOUS.

#obostaughtme I’m normal, and now I want to give back. So: I’m giving away books!

#obostaughtme I’m normal, and now I want to give back. So: I’m giving away books!

Our Bodies, Ourselves is raising $100,000 to supports it efforts in promoting women’s health around the world, using evidence-based health education. OBOS was the first book that taught me that I and my female body are normal. Obviously, I love them. In order to support them beyond just making a donation, I’m offering this incentive for any of you who also donte! Want a free copy of Come as You Are? Want additional sex positive goodies? I AM HERE TO HELP. It’s simple: Contribute to OBOS. As much or as little feels right to you. Email me at enagoski at gmail

[UPDATE] a sex book, in the top science & tech books of 2015? yes!

[UPDATE] a sex book, in the top science & tech books of 2015? yes!

YOU GUYS. Come as You Are was nominated as one of the top 15 Goodreads Best Science & Technology Book of 2015. This is not a category where you expect to find a sex advice book, so I’m really, really excited – plus it means I’m in the same category as Oliver Sacks’s On the Move, which, if you haven’t read it, is a charming and beautiful book and way more likely to actually win. Also, everyone check out Rachel Swaby’s Headstrong: 52 women who changed science – and the world.   Anyway, it’s my first ever book prize nomination, so

calling all sex positive folks! #tweetyourlube

calling all sex positive folks! #tweetyourlube

In her article at Salon, Rachel Kramer Bussel saved us all the trouble of comprehensively rebutting UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion Ronda Rousey’s terrible advice to Maxim readers that using lube is “lazy.” If you don’t know why using lube is not just often very pleasurable but also necessary for the health and wellbeing of a person’s body, read Rachel’s piece – and maybe watch this two minute video about arousal nonconcordance:     Lube is very often your friend! I know it’s mine! So all that’s left for us is to counteract Ronda’s lube-shaming with some lube pride!   This calls for a hashtag.

what we call it (all the content warnings in the world – sexual violence)

what we call it (all the content warnings in the world – sexual violence)

A lot of people in my social media have posted this New York Magazine article about the failure of feminism in the cultural dialogue about consent. The article – titled “The Game Is Rigged: Why sex that’s consensual can still be bad. And why we’re not talking about it” begins with this example of, one supposes, bad but consensual sex: “I have so much to drink my memory becomes dark water, brief flashes when I flicker up for air,” Gattuso wrote. “I’m being kissed. There’s a boy, then another boy. I keep asking if I’m pretty. I keep saying yes.”

in which emily brings the science

in which emily brings the science

Hey everybody, in about two hours, I’ll spend 12 minutes at Chicago Ideas Week explaining responsive desire and why Flibanserin is bogus. Hilariously, I go on about two hours after Cindy Whitehead, (BRILLIANT) CEO of the company that shepherded the drug through FDA approal, who spoke in a “Medical Breakthroughs” session. Chicago Ideas Week tweeted her talk this way: Science won…and so did women. @SproutPharma #CIWMedical #CIW — Chicago Ideas (@chicagoideas) October 17, 2015   Well. My job is to bring the science, free of any profit motive.   I’ll be mentioning some Sciencey Facty-Facts, so I’m taking this opportunity

National Coming Out Day

National Coming Out Day

Fifteen years ago, in Indiana, I participated in GLSEN’s “Day of Silence.” What you do is: you don’t talk. You don’t say anything. It’s to raise awareness around bullying and harassment of LGBTQ folks.   Two things happened that day that I remember every year on National Coming Out Day:   1. I went to the hardware store. I forget what I was looking for, but I remember that I couldn’t find it. And because I was being silent, I couldn’t ask for help.   I couldn’t ask for help.   2. I met someone new who struggled to pronounce