confidence and joy: how to

confidence and joy: how to

Confidence and joy. They are how you make magical sex happen. But confidence and joy are hard to come by sometimes, friends. Sometimes the world is an awful place and sometimes it tries to tell you you’re awful too. So for a long time, I’ve been trying to work out great ways to teach people how they can increase confidence and joy. Today, I’m pleased to offer this idea:   Try on the tiara.   “What the hell does that mean, Emily?” you ask. And I answer: in the movie, “Frozen,” Elsa, the sister with the ice power, uses her superpower to create

cover reveal! Come as You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life

I am excited to share with, at long last, the cover design for the book that I’ve been talking about for the last year:   Me, I like everything about it. I love the title – it’s the title that you, my dear blog readers – voted for! I love the subtitle – because what I learned as I wrote it really did surprise me, and I know for sure that it has transformed people’s sex lives already. And I just think the purse is hilarious and appealing and makes me want to pick it up and show it to

4 holiday gifts for the sex nerd in your life

4 holiday gifts for the sex nerd in your life

Someone asked me, “Emily, what should I buy for the sex nerd in my life this holiday season?” Well here are a few ideas to suit most budgets – and they’re all things I can’t imagine working without!     Of course my first recommendation is an original Vulva Puppet, from Dorrie at House o’ Chicks. I got my first vulva puppet back in 1999 and I’ve loved her every minute. Vulva puppets help create a gentle, celebratory space to talk about sexual anatomy and health. They are beautiful and fun and I’ve got three. If you’ve got the budget

stress response for bystanders

(content warning for witness precursors of interpersonal violence) I’ve been doing bystander education on my campus for about four years (as I mentioned about four years ago), and I like it a lot. We’ve adapted it beyond sexual assault prevention to other social justice issues like microaggressions. One of the powerful ideas behind the bystander approach in general (and the Green Dot approach in particular) is the notion that it’s NORMAL to have barriers that prevent you from stepping forward, even when you know you should, and you don’t have to “overcome” your barriers, you only need to find a way AROUND

bucket list item: teach Sex Ed for Romance Authors class [UPDATED]

bucket list item: teach Sex Ed for Romance Authors class [UPDATED]

Regular readers know that I read romance novels. I like ‘em. In Romancelandia at its best, the toxic sex negative culture of the real world is transformed into a place where women’s sexual pleasure and autonomy wins over the forces of misogyny and patriarchy. But there are some specific frustrations that I have with the genre, as a reader who happens also to be a sex educator – and these are frustrations shared by authors In The Know.   Like, Sarah MacLean and I had this exciting twitter exchange: @sarahmaclean So much true. Also pain w intercourse is MUCH more

some actual data on college “hookups”

some actual data on college “hookups”

So late to the party on this one because I’ve been busy with my actual job preventing sexual violence, but: You have probably heard about the Carry That Weight campaign protesting college sexual assault. New York Magazine‘s big story about the original case included this interesting paragraph:   Is there a rampant hook-up culture on campus today? Of course there is. Does the promiscuity that third-wave feminists heralded as empowerment look a little less attractive when practiced by teenagers with little experience and less maturity? You bet. And frustration with hook-up culture is undeniably a part of the anti-rape movement. 

sex positivity defined

sex positivity defined

There are a lot of great definitions of sex positivity out there, but I haven’t found one that I can use in a talk, an interview, or in a blog post that quickly, unambiguously, unmistakably summarizes what I mean. So I thought about it, and here’s what I came up with:   SEX POSITIVITY: (n) The radical, all-inclusive belief that each person’s body belongs to that person     To say that I am sex positive means no more or less than that I believe your body belongs to you, my body belongs to me, everyone’s body belongs to themselves. We

in which emily isn’t convinced that “female” is a gender

This past week I was talking with a group of students, and toward the end one raised her hand asked if I would stop using the phrases “female bodied people” and “male bodied people” and instead say “people with vaginas” and “people with penises.” The student said that phrases like “male bodied people” unnecessarily impose a gender on people with those bodies. We talked about it for a while and I’m pretty sure I accidentally pissed her off, since she and her friend sat on the floor texting each other furiously immediately after, right in front of me, which is