stay curious: the secret skill that will help you change your sex life… and the world

stay curious: the secret skill that will help you change your sex life… and the world

I’ve been hearing from people who’ve begun trying to explain ideas from the book to other people – like, arousal nonconcordance and that sex is not a drive – and people just flat out don’t believe them. My careful collection of hundreds of academic references isn’t even a little bit persuasive. Boy do I hear that. Every semester a student says to me, “I walked into this class thinking I already knew a lot about sex, so it would be an easy and fun class, but…” “It’s not easy or fun?” I ask. “Oh it’s fun, but it is not easy. I

this was the best thing that could have happened to me on International Women’s Day

The Sunday Times ran six letters to the editor about my op ed about how responsive desire is not a disease. Only one of them agrees with me. But that one letter? It was from Judy Norsigian. If that name doesn’t send chills of feminist fangirling down your spine, it should. Judy Norsigian is one of the founders and Executive Director of the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, which is responsible for Our Bodies, Ourselves, and a cultural leader in the idea that women’s best source of wisdom about their bodies is their own body. Our Bodies, Our Blog is an outstanding

the social justice argument for a biological approach to sex

the social justice argument for a biological approach to sex

That sweaty-toothed monster in “Finding Nemo,” who lures Dory and Marlin toward her bobbing, glowing appendage? That’s the female deep sea anglerfish. The male deep sea anglerfish is a small lump attached to her side. He’s about one tenth her size (for scale, imagine if the average human male were a little under six inches tall), and when he finds the female, by following a trail of pheromones she leaves behind her, like a trail of biochemical breadcrumbs, he bites into her side, and then his face dissolves and his body gradually (over weeks) becomes an appendage of the female’s,

what it’s like to write a New York Times Op Ed [UPDATE]

what it’s like to write a New York Times Op Ed [UPDATE]

It’s amazing. I can only say what my experience was, of course, and my experience was almost certainly not typical. I had a lot of help, through two first drafts, from my brilliant literary agent and my brilliant editor, which was fabulous, as it always is. My whole life, it seems, has been edited by these two women for the last two years, and my life is better for it. (I love being edited. Am I writing masochist? Does the training that makes me unoffendable as a sex educator, also make me unoffendable as a writer? Or do all writers

what we should be asking, instead of asking if the FDA is sexist (which it isn’t)

what we should be asking, instead of asking if the FDA is sexist (which it isn’t)

I’m not sure why journalists take it seriously, the assertion that the FDA is sexist. It’s a narrative invented by a PR firm for a drug company that has a massive profit motive for getting their drug approved. It is a very clever narrative, that feeds into cultural fears of government control of our bodies, and it cleverly coopts the language of “choice” and “women’s autonomy” for the purpose of making a drug company money. But, as Amanda Marcotte writes, “the reality is so much more complicated, and important to understand, than that.” I think, too, that it wastes everyone’s time and

the dual control model, in under two minutes

the dual control model, in under two minutes

We’ve seen the video that we can send to people, to explain arousal nonconcordance in under two minutes. Now here’s a video to explain the dual control model – the sexual “accelerator” and “brakes” that govern the sexual response mechanism. If you’ve ever sat at a bar trying to explain it to a friend and wished you could just show them a video on your phone or something… your wish is my command:

on the “pink pill” and “perfect” sex

on the “pink pill” and “perfect” sex

NPR’s All Things Considered covered the question of a “pink pill” for women – a medical treatment for low sexual desire. The piece ends this way: Carla Price says she would like to try flibanserin. Marriage counseling and a hormonal cream have helped, she says. But not enough. “Even though it’s better, it’s not perfect,” she says. “I would gladly take risks of side effects to keep my marriage and my relationship.”   Which strikes me as a very, very important idea. Carla, whom we meet at the start of the piece, is 50 and has experienced a radical decrease in

Ask Me (and three more wicked smart women!) Anything! Friday the 13th at 11am EST

Ask Me (and three more wicked smart women!) Anything! Friday the 13th at 11am EST

It was on this day, five years ago, that Parks and Recreation aired an episode called “